Elevator Muzak

Going Up!

Ruby here. One of mine and Lucille's favorite things is to go into a grocery store, department store, or fancy restaurant and burst into accompanying song to the Muzak that's playing.

We even have opinions about which establishments have the best Muzak. The restaurant we used to work at - The Steak House, as it's known - had pretty good Muzak. We often sang along to Dusty Springfield or Steely Dan as we closed up. We would get our boss, Mr Yes-That's-A-Cocaine-Booger-Hanging-Out-My-Nose, to turn up the music so that we could hear it better, and we would sing along to sweet things like "Wishin' and Hopin'" and salty things like "Hey 19" (which we secretly dedicated to our boss, who liked to sleep with teenaged girls), blissfully ignoring anyone who told us we couldn't sing.

The best Muzak, you see, is the Muzak that always surprises you. For instance, it never fails to thrill me when I hear a Steely Dan song on Muzak, because I wonder if the old ladies in the Alfred Dunner section realize that the song they can just barely hear is about drugs and pedophilia. The best Muzak will reel you in with Spanky and Our Gang singing "I'd Like to Get to Know You," just to jar you with the moaning and groaning of Al Green, then the denouement of Olivia Newton-John singing "Magic." To get to hear the range of music the best Muzak offers, all while trying on 14 pairs of jeans, or while finishing off that shrimp Creole, is always SO satisfying.

I think that Rite Aid here in town has some of the best Muzak around. A friend of mine, Baby Jane, used to work at Rite Aid, and I asked her once didn't she just love working there with that good Muzak playing all the time. Not surprisingly, she looked at me like I needed help. She didn't know that I had once lingered long in the tampons just to get to hear Todd Rundgren finish off "I Saw the Light," or that I had feigned an interest in hair color just because I love the Spinners.

Here are some likely suspects, when it comes to Muzak - coming soon to a department store or restaurant near you:

Couldn't Get it Right - The Climax Blues Band
I am sure I had heard this gem a million times in muted Muzak mono before I ever actually heard it come out of a stereo speaker. I was so used to hearing this song at a dull staticky drone that I never realized what a good song it really is. Is it impressively imaginitive? No. Is it anybody's favorite song? I doubt it. But it is three minutes, 19 seconds of groovy horns. Ever notice how many horn-driven songs show up in Muzak programming?

1900 Yesterday - Liz Damon's Orient Express
I would almost bet money that two or three people at the very least have threatened to gnaw open a vein when hearing this song. It's a song so redolent in cheesiness, that it's almost too much. Almost.

I always enjoy hearing this song in elevators and stores because that's about the only acceptable venue for such drivel, and I am nearly ashamed to admit that I would listen to it elsewhere.
Imagine my shock and secret pleasure when I discovered that someone else, a writer for Scram no less, was also as taken with this song as I am. Read about his ordeal
HERE . It's worthwhile reading, I promise, the saga of Liz Damon's Orient Express' scramble from the bar of the Hilton to the Big Time.

Eye in the Sky - Alan Parsons Project
Hahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHA! I never go into a department store or restaurant and hear this song in all it's Muzak glory without thinking of the protracted and Seinfeld-esque arguments between Lucille and our pal Hagatha about the artistic merits - or, in Lucille's argument, complete lack of - of this song and the Alan Parsons Project. Hagatha apparently has the tiny damaged notion that the Alan Parsons Project are rock greats that Lucille should bow fealty to. Lucille respectfully disagrees. Still, it's always fun to have this song unexpectly spring on Lucille and hear her berate it, APP, and Hagatha all over again.

This post is semi-dedicated to BadHair, the little girl in Ruby's family who once had a hand held over her mouth so that Ruby could hear ELO's "Strange Magic" uninterrupted.

Flip Down Your Hair and Let Me Climb Up the Ladder of Your Love!

What a bunch!

Just in case you didn't recognize them, every one of those beauties in the picture are the J. Geils Band. What a bunch indeed!

If you are listening to the J. Geils Band on the radio, chances are you are listening to some trash like "Centerfold" or "Love Stinks," in which case you should turn your radio off and listen to THIS instead.

Ruby and Lucille (and Ruby mostly) are probably the only people in the world right now giving the J. Geils Band the respect they so richly deserve. Why? WHY? WWWWWHHHHY????

It could be because they ruined their rep with that shit they did in the 1980s. It could be that their ugliness, video-wise, is seared into so many corneas that people are afraid of them. Who knows. But if you are not hip to the hot-ass stuff they did in the 1970s then you ain't shit. Hear me?

So, for your pleasure, four tunes to make you UNDERSTAND the UNDENIABLE POWER of the J. Geils Band:


Musta Got Lost (live)
This is the song from which the title of this post derives. It also has the distinction of being Lucille's favorite, not because of the song, which is alright, but because of the rap Peter Wolf does before the song. Lucille loves to hang her head out the window of a car cruising the Sinkhole and holler "OPEN UP BITCH IT'S WOOMBA GOOMBA WITH THE GREEN TEETH!"

J. Geils Band concerts were known for both the virtuosity of the band in their chosen field (i.e., the ability of the J. Geils Band to make you think you are at the funkiest bar in town, with the knowledge that everyone around is just as drunk as you are) and for Peter Wolf's discursions, which, as evidenced by this song, sound like something between the ravings of a lunatic and a Pentecostal preacher. Nobody was surprised to find out that Peter Wolf was a former D.J. when they heard this - the sheer speed at which this man raps is a wonder of nature. You wonder how the rest of the band kept a straight face, much less kept playing. An interesting note - this song mentions Rapula LaBula (Spelling? anyone?), a recurring character in these monologues, and Woomba Goomba, Wolf's alias from his D.J.ing days, both of whom were also name-checked in a Peter Wolf video from the 80's that is in rotation on VH1 Classic.

It Ain't What You Do (It's How You Do It)
"WE'RE GOING TO BLOW YOUR FACE OUUUUTTT!" If that doesn't sound familiar, then you are not a J. Geils Fan, and possibly not even worthy of spitting on. There couldn't be many more harmonicas in the WORLD being played as fast as the one in this song. Or organs, either. This song is so fast and so tight that it defies you to shake your ass. Or, in Ruby's case, it's more like the time that Donna mooned on "That 70's Show" - "I like to show my ass! I like to shake my ass!"

First I Look at the Purse (live)
One trait that set the J. Geils Band apart was the covers they chose for their live shows. This one, a cover of a Contours song from the early 60's (you know the Contours - "Do You Love Me"?) is a great example. You really can't tell if they are kidding or not, but regardless they are smoking, people.

Surrender
Now, for Ruby's favorite. This is probably the funkiest ROCK - not soul or funk or anything related, just rock - song of the 70's. It's part disco, part West Side Story, and it's ALL good. That's Cissy Houston (yes, Whitney's mom - hell to the no, right?) singing the duet with Peter Wolf, and some people say that Luther Vandross is singing backup, too. It doesn't matter. This song will BLOW YOUR FACE - and whatever else you got handy - OFF, if for no other reason that it is so hot that you can't even stand it. It makes Ruby think of the boys and places her mama doesn't want her to know about, and damn sure doesn't want her seen with or in. But you know that Ruby - she's been known to surrender to bad boys a time or two.

On a sweeter note, it also makes Ruby think of her Aunt Mary and Uncle Rodney, who listened to the J. Geils Band and gave her records, and of her brother who wouldn't let her listen to his records!

"DARLIN'! THERE'S SOMETHING ON MY MIND!"

The World of Ruby and Lucille is Born Again!

Can you feel us kicking?

The exile is over - Ruby and Lucille have returned.

It's Ruby here, on this momentous occasion. Lucille and I have remade and remodeled, and now we are ready to get down to business again.

First up:
James Brown - I Got the Feelin'
What would a return to form be without Soul Brother No. 1? We've got the feelin', indeed!

Then,
Ohio Players - I Wanna Know Do You Feel It?
Perennial favorite the Ohio Players helping us to encourage YOU to feel it, too. A lesser known Ohio Players gem. Why is it that the only people who are really listening to the Ohio Players are the ones who are sampling them? Oh, and the people at Nip/Tuck, who have used the Ohio Players on the soundtrack, often to underscore the almost criminal funkiness (and I do mean funky) of Dr. Christian Troy. They haven't used "I Wanna Know Do You Feel It" yet, but they should put it in the running, at least. It's as funky/scary/sexy/cool as that Nip/Tuck is. Sometimes that show makes Ruby feel downright dirty.

Finally:
Gwen McRae - Rockin' Chair
Just because its sweet and fine and Ruby and Lucille can and will rock you. And don't you forget it.

Where We Went Wrong

oh look - it's the poppy family!

Ruby here, pleased to report that now Lucillie is wallowing in the mire, as well, and what better time for a post on the Poppy Family than when everybody is sucking sorrow?

Are you listening to the Poppy Family? Probably not. If you are at all, you are probably listening to "Which Way You Goin', Billy?" That was their one and only hit, from way back in the ether of 1969-1970. And no, it's not going to be posted here so don't even ask.

Are you wondering who the Poppy Family is? This is the part I have been dreading - surely you have heard that abomination, "Seasons in the Sun," by Terry Jacks? Well, Terry Jacks was one half of the husband and wife team who made up the crux of the Poppy Family. They were joined by two other people, one in big glasses and the other wearing a turban, but I have not yet figured out exactly what their contribution was.

What happened to Terry Jacks between the wonder and beauty of the Poppy Family and the tripe of "Seasons in the Sun?" He and his wife, Susan Jacks, who is the whole reason the Poppy Family is worth wasting webspace on today, broke up. Susan's voice, or, more correctly, her delivery, is among the most distinctive I have ever personally heard. She makes you feel every single word. I have never been sure whether she had a hand in writing the Poppy Family's songs, or whether she served as a muse for the heinous Terry Jacks, but suffice to say he should have kept her around. Unless, of course, that I have yet to find a postive reference to love that is not somehow tempered with sadness and pain in any of their songs. In fact, if their catalog is any indication, this must have been one of the more miserable marriages ever documented in song.

Susan has been compared to Karen Carpenter, vocally. While I can see these comparisons, Susan has more soul in one of her little fingers than poor old Karen ever imagined, bless her heart. Regardless of the heartache Karen Carpenter was feeling, there was a veneer of sunshine in all the songs she sang. As a point, there seems to be a washing of rain on the ones that Susan Jacks sang. Very few Poppy Family songs are even slightly upbeat, and even those seem to be insidiously dark. I defy you to show me a more morose pop band, for sure.

The Poppy Family were, by all standards, and one-hit wonder bubblegum pop band whom it's a wonder are even remembered today. However, their catalogue, while by no means varied or even transcendent of their time, is nevertheless impressive. Probably due to the gorgeous production or the simple yet effective lyrics, not to mention Susan Jacks' voice, the Poppy Family survives as an eclectic relic from the late 60's/early 70's.

I'll get it started:

HEAR:
That's Where I Went Wrong - The follow up to "Which Way You Goin' Billy," this one charted but barely and consequently no one remembers it. Which is a shame. Who was expecting to hear this much desperation - "this old road/I don't know where it leads/and I don't care/because it's not hard for me see/that when it ends/there'll be nothing there for me" - on AM radio in 1970? The beauty of the Poppy Family is in the unexpected.

HEAR:
I'll See You There - An almost angelic Susan. The "dadadada" at the beginning is so delicate and gorgeous that it defies description. Maybe this is the sequel to the bus trip she sings about on "That's Where I Went Wrong." Her voice just aches. The lyrics border on the chilling - references to cold nonwithstanding.

HEAR:
I Want You to Love Me - A less depressed number, I apologize for the poor quality, it was ripped from a record. Don't let the lilting, almost fast beat fool you - she wants this guy, but things are scary. What else would you want from the Poppy Family? Love can't be anything but scary and weird with these people, part of their charm.

Take note of the references to cold in the Poppy Family's songs, then remember they are Canadian!

Why the Poppy Family, and these sad, sad songs? Because they reflect the mood of Ruby and Lucille - love is hell, people, love is hell.

No Other

Gene Clark

Ruby here. Today is all about Gene Clark, for no better reason than I am sad and he seemed like he was, too.

You remember Gene Clark, don't you? From the Byrds? The one with the tamborine, whom Chris Hillman called the Byrds' "Prince Valiant?" You probably don't.

Well, Gene Clark's career didn't end with his parting from the Byrds. He made a handful of solo albums that were doomed to failure, despite their brilliance.

The sheer scope of Gene Clark's music is stunning; with Doug Dillard he recorded what is arguably one of the first country/bluegrass/rock fusions (mid-60's, darling) that combined both original and standard material in a delectable, seamless whole. In the mid-70's he recorded what has come to be recognized as his masterpiece (even though hardcore Genophiles think that most of his output post-Byrds-the late 70's is of masterpiece quality), No Other, a spacy, verbose album, with layers upon layers of what sounds like every instrument and voice in California on every song. Even the cover art for No Other was a departure from the motorcycles, cowboy hats and classic cars of his previous effots - Gene, his hair long even by the standards of the day, poses in what appears to be a leotard, with makeup on his face. I won't embarass him by putting the picture up here - it's best you just imagine it.

The first selection in this Gene Clark-ography is the title song from that album, "No Other."

HEAR:NO OTHER
I have heard plenty of music in my time, but I assure you I have never heard anything quite like "No Other" before or since. Gene sounds like he is phoning his vocal in from the NetherWorld, and has a few lost souls for backup singers. The song is menacing, yet alluring - scary and sexy at the same time. There is so much going on that it almost confuses you; he says "all along you say that you don't want no other," and you don't know if it's a plea or a threat. The lyrics are verbose to the point of being bizarre - again, does he want us confused? are we easier prey that way? - yet are somehow entrancing.

All along you say that you don't want no other - so the lord is love and love is like no other. I have said too much already about it, so just listen...

Some Misunderstanding

Gene again

The second Gene song is also from No Other, "Some Misunderstanding." CAUTION: this one is not for the faint of heart. It is 8 minutes of pure sorrow, and if you are feeling even slightly suicidal, I beseech you to skip it.

HEAR:
SOME MISUNDERSTANDING

The quality of Gene's music that seems to speak to people the most is, however, his capacity for sorrow. He is a cult presence on the internet, sparking some of the most heartfelt tributes to any dead rock star I've ever seen. People seem to latch on to the sadness that is a part of so much of his music, and fetishize it - and Gene himself.

It wouldn't have mattered if he'd been singing the phone book to the tune of "Some Misunderstanding" - you still would feel the same sorrow. It's in his keening vocal, the weariness and pleading. He might just shatter into a million pieces. You don't know.

I don't know what Gene's singing about in "Some Misunderstanding." It could be about his own problems with substance/alcohol abuse, it could be someone else's, but he says "I know if you sell your soul/to brighten up your role/you might be disappointed in the light/we all need a fix at a time like this/but doesn't it feel good to stay alive..." He could be singing about anything, really.

Most of his songs are like this - vague enough that they leave you the room to interpret them according to your own desires... this is the other quality that endears Gene's songs to people.

Silver Raven

Gene 1979

To finish up today's Gene Clark tryptich, it's another one from No Other, "Silver Raven."

HEAR:
SILVER RAVEN

I don't want to talk about this song. There may be more Gene Clark again the next time I post, though, because fetishizing someone who died a fairly young and totally unnecessarily (Gene Clark more or less drank himself to death - he was in his forties.) is helpful to me right now.

Confidential to JFF: Silver Raven, ideed, because something about GC's jaw or his profile or something reminds me of you. But you won't know...

Lord Have Mercy! Finally!

I'll stay under the table all night if I have to,
but I ain't doing dishes!

Well! Ruby has been put upon and beat down, tempted and tried, but she is finally back! What this means is that finals are over, she'll soon have her diploma in hand, the kidney infection is getting better, and she has managed to dig herself out of the papers on her desk at work. Back to important stuff - like reading books, listening to good things, and posting, in other words.

Here are a few songs that reveal a lot about the state of mind of somebody as plagued as all this. You don't have to feel plagued to enjoy them, though - just listen!

HEAR: Mockingbird - Charles and Inez Fox.

These are the kinds of promises that you love to hear, right? Even though you know that they are all lies, at the time, especially if you are tired and brow-beaten, you feel ever so special because somebody does want to give you a diamond ring, shiny or not. Ruby was promised everything under the sun if she would just be a good girl and finish her schooling.

Who knows anything about Charles and Inez Fox? This song is so classic - did they ever really do anything else?

HEAR: Once You Get Started - Vicki Anderson.

Life as you know it changes when you go to school, right? No matter if it's undergraduate or graduate, everything changes. But that's not the change I'm talking about - the one I am talking about is the change after you get out of school. Getting out of undergraduate school felt like starting "real" life. It was a little scary and a lot of fun. Getting out of graduate school feels like being let out of jail. No skills for this. Once you get started, though, it all gets better - right? Please say yes!

If Vicki Anderson thinks that everything is better once you get started, then who are we to argue, right? She's only the #1 funk-soul sister around, so shut yo mouth.


HEAR:Gotta Hold on to This Feeling - Junior Walker and the All-Stars.

And yet, I feel so relieved to finally have that degree! Gotta hold on to this feeling, indeed!

Don't you just love Junior Walker and the All-Stars, though? Sometimes they are about two seconds from Muzak, but I defy you to say that's a bad thing.

Just in case you are wondering, that's the incomparable Dorothy Gish under the table...

Hope You're Having a Sunshine Day!

Take a little time to sniff the daisies - AAAAACHHHHHOOOO!

If you are not in Eastern Kentucky right now, you are SO sorry and you don't even know it! It's lovely! I should - and probably will, before it's over - be posting pictures of the gorgeous redbuds and pink dogwoods, not to mention the weeping cherry trees and the flowering crab apples. You never knew as many shades of green as there are in Eastern Kentucky in April - you have to see it to believe it. And the sunshine!

Of course, those familiar with Ruby and Lucille know that this time of year is often the beginning of the cruising season in that little metropolis that Ruby and Lucille frequent, known to some as the Sinkhole. When things start blooming, Ruby and Lucille get restless, feeling the need to cruise around the Sinkhole hollering at people, saying things like "WATERMELON!" "FUNKY FUNK AND THE SKUNKY BUNCH!" "POPCORN!" "LET IT ALL HANG OUT!"

More on this curious phenomenon later. Right now, in honor of the beautiful home of Ruby and Lucille, a post about sunshine days, full to bursting with sunshine music, that other curious phenomenon, brought to you by the late 60's, typified by full orchestras and hokey lyrics, goofy and silly and lovely, just like Ruby and Lucille!

Hear: Sugar Town - Nancy Sinatra.
Now doesn't this make you feel like wallering on a blanket in the grass.... maybe smoking some grass? Getting strange? Seeing the world in one little daisy? Where is Sugar Town, anyway? What is the sugar part, hmmmm?

Hear: No More Running Around - Lamp of Childhood.
You know we're going hardcore 60's when the post is by a band called Lamp of Childhood, Lord have mercy. However, after you catch your breath and get up from rolling in the floor, just listen to the song. Spring! Love! Cuteness! Unfortunately, Lamp of Childhood was not very prolific, and in fact, they are most famous for the fact that member James Hendricks was once married to Mama Cass Elliott.

Hear: The Biggest Night of Her Life - Harper's Bizarre.
This is either the sweetest little thing or the dunbest thing that you've ever heard, but it's all sunshiny and it's in season, too, since it's talking about the biggest night of a teenaged girl's life, and considering that it is, after all, prom season, then sure! Of course, the biggest night of a Jones girl's life often involves meeting someone on the dark end of the street (after enticing him with shouts of "How the hell did you get up in that monster truck, anyway?!?!?!), but we are, in our hearts, ladies of distinction.

Now - get outside and pick a flower!
Ruby